Posts Tagged ‘weddings’

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I’ll always be your girl

October 6, 2011

There is a down side to getting emotionally involved with a book series or movie, at least for me.  Since I finished The Hunger Games trilogy last night, I have been crying pretty much all day.  The littlest things have set me off- a song on cd in my car on the way to work, matching “sports team” apparel with my work crush, My dog being glued to my side when I got home, lousy sitcoms, pictures of people I don’t know getting married, Steve Jobs memorial news tributes, my best friend’s voice on the telephone…a waterfall of unchecked tears.  I’ve always been a crying person but when a very good story is involved, I am wrecked for days.

Work has been stressful.  I am having a really hard time trying to do the work of two people for two different supervisors.  I am fortunately that both are very good supervisors, supportive and good people who I like, but tomorrow I have enough work from both people to last a full day so how exactly am I supposed to balance it? My allegiance is to my marketing position, but the wrath and fallout belong to the compliance position.  I am just going to have to do the best that I can but I really, really want this to be over.  I don’t think it is fair to me at all.  I know I have the support of my supervisor but with the company in a precarious position there is really nothing that I can do if I wish to keep my job in tact.

Tomorrow I have a rehearsal dinner and a wedding on Saturday and on Sunday- I am looking forward to seeing my dear friends embark on a journey together but I am not looking forward to the traveling, or the deluge of tears that will surely be plaguing me.  I might as well come out and say it, bloggies, I am getting sadder and sadder at every wedding because the chances someone will ever love the broken and mashed up bits that make up “me” are growing slimmer and slimmer as the days tick on.  Every time I enjoy a beautiful wedding it reminds me that I am cold and cold and alone and lonely and almost 30.  Something has surely got to give.  I just hope its the right gift.

How the heck does one sleep with a CPAP with a runny nose??

 

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Day 07 – Your hobbies, in great detail

October 11, 2010

Everyone knows my hobbies; theatre, scrapbooking- so today I have decided to write about different hobbies that I have that I don’t usually talk about or define as “hobby” in the traditional sense.

Hair:  Admiring hair has been a hobby I have had since I was a very little girl.  It was probably my first hobby.  Young girls are almost conditioned (no pun intended) to admire hair.  It’s on our Barbie dolls and toy horses in inhumanly long and thick amounts.  We are taught early on by the likes of Rapunzel and Walt Disney that our virtue lies in our hair.  As impressionable wee tots we soak in the commercials, the print ads, the salon windows- and we admire and mimic our sisters and mothers.  I have always had a deep interest in hair.  I have loved and admired scores upon scores of tresses, envying the sleek and straight, emulating the glossy ringlet curls, grasping at knowledge for how to get that “perfect” look.  As a teen and through college, I manifested this hobby in cutting and coloring my hair over and over again in a wide variety of colors from henna black to strawberry blond.  I tried highlights and lowlights, cheap boxed creams to hundred dollar foils.  I love the feeling that changing your hair affords- a freedom, a sense of adventure that you can manifest in a totally new personality to match your new look.  As a grown woman, I have retired most of my more adventurous cutting and coloring.  Now, I am more obsessed with hair care.  I read up on brushes, blow dryers, curling irons- I have tried silicone based products and silicone free products, all natural and organic shampoos that don’t lather, dry shampoos that you brush right in, cheap bottles of Suave and bank-busting bottles of Keratase. I have created home-made remedies with rose water, honey, olive oil, milk, nut oil, even eggs! in the pursuit of the perfect conditioner.  I love it.  I love watching youtube video tutorials of hair styling demonstrations and flipping through salon haircut magazines.  I genuinely enjoy spending time washing and brushing my hair.  I’m like the perfect 50′s stereotype who doesn’t go out for the night if I would rather wash my hair.  And why not? I say. Why not appreciate and care for yourself not to attract a mate or impress your friends, but because it is fun and interesting and adventurous.

Weddings:  I know, I know.  With all the weddings I have been and will be a part of in these last few years, it is hard to say weddings are a hobby and not a part time job! But the truth is I have always loved weddings since Ariel and Prince Eric got married by the boner-popping priest at the end of The Little Mermaid.  I secretly amassed a towering collection of bridal magazines and books with etiquette, style guides, how-tos, craft projects, cake ideas, etc etc… Of course I want to get married some day, and of course it is hard to attend wedding after wedding of those I hold dear knowing I am no closer to finding my life partner now than I was ten years ago, I still enjoy every moment.  I love to help plan, to decorate, to make stupid favors and tie up 150 little place cards.  I love feeling a part of other people’s expressions of love.  Here is a secret I have never told anyone before: every wedding I attend, I secretly write my own “maid of honor” speech for the couple.  I don’t think I am ever going to have the opportunity to actually give  a maid of honor speech, so I keep a collection of notes about what I would have said about the happy couple, if the responsibility to give the toast had been mine.  I like to judge my toasts against the actual speeches maid by the best man and maid of honor (mine are always better).  It makes me feel happy, like my hobby is actually a collection.  I collect weddings.  I collect the fleeting feeling of love, partially because I fear I will never have it myself, and partially because I like to be able to help remind my friends of their great loves when they are in times of trial.

So there you have it, two little hobbies of mine that you didn’t actually know about.  I actually had to get up in the middle of writing this post so I could brush my hair out (something I hardly ever do because curls and hairbrushes are not friends) and boy did it feel great!  I envy you straight haired people!

See you tomorrow!

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"The air is humming, And something great is coming! Who knows?" ~Stephen Sondheim

January 20, 2009

George W. Bush is not going to be our president, tomorrow.  Our Nation is breathing a collective, albeit shallow, breath.  It feels like the enormous tension of anger and grief is loosening its hold from around our hearts.  I cannot help but notice that despite the obvious fears of a bad economy and high rate of unemployment, we are a people of hope, and we just want a chance to feel like we are part of something that isn’t based on lies and deceit- that we can hold our heads erect and not feel like the world’s laughing stock.  I just want to feel proud to be an American again, and I think it is almost time.

In other news, Jason proposed to Jen this weekend- I am going to have a sister!  I am really excited for them both, I could not think of a more wonderful girl to join the Rosa clan than Jen.  She truly is a great girl.  I adore her.  I cannot help but feel the tiniest littlest bit of frustration and impatience that I am not set on this road as well, but I try to think less of that and more of the great opportunities that will someday await me, distant though they may seem.  I am going to be attending a lot of weddings in the next few years, so I better get used to it!  I can already think of four I’ll be attending in 2009, in one of which I will be a bridesmaid- and I haven’t even really put a lot of thought into it!  God bless them all for their love and happiness- keep um coming, folks, I’ll be happy to shower you with love and good wishes and then secretly complain about it whilst eating from a huge tub of peanut butter on my couch…just kidding (only not really).

Off to bed- two more slipcovers to polish off prior to the inaguration!

republican-vp-nominees-2012

Ever Virgin.

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