If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.~ Jack Handy

Swine Flu is everywhere.  No, not the actual flu- just the media construct.  Never in my life have I seen such wide-spread rediculousness over something so silly.  Perhaps I am being naive.  Real danger could be lurking around the corner, ready to spring forth from the sty and end my useless life.  But, until that time, I would prefer to live in the blissful ignorance of this child:

Suffolk sent us an email citing their own personal information about the “swine-origin flu (H1N1) outbreak”.  You can see what they have to say here: http://www.suffolk.edu/offices/932.html. They also urged us thusly:

If you are diagnosed with swine flu, please let your supervisor and Human Resources know so that we can assess potential exposures and risks for other members of Suffolk University.

It is sort of scary to think that our places of business are thinking of these sorts of things!  At least Suffolk has a plan and is taking proactive steps, right?  I suppose if this were a real epidemic then I would feel good knowing Suffolk had my back.

But wow. The media has done a great job making this into a big deal.

Ever Virgin.

Jewelry TV- A Sonnet

It began with two roommates on a couch
too lazy to lift the remote control-
but now, every chocolate diamond broach,
fills us with a glee we can not extol.

Be it jade or chromium diopside,
my most treasured zircon or rhodolite,
we watch the jewelry turntable’s ride,
breathless in adoration and delight.

Will it be the soap-stone skull set of two?
Or the kunsite earrings that are a steal?
A twenty-nine dollar tourmaline ring?
Or the faceted parcel closeout deal?

Will we see Misty, Mandy, Scott or Dawn?
Or take a trip to a tanzanite mine?
We might visit a road show in Tuscon,
or search for pink pearls on a deep-sea dive.

A perhaps ironic pleasure each night,
ten minutes with JTV and all seems right.

Ever Virgin.

Fake Girl

Fake girl
Looks at me across the train car
And through the haze of people and umbrellas
I can see her judging me
as I am judging her.

Fake girl has knock off Burberry waders
And jeans with holes that were made by Abercrombie, not work
Fake girls hair and nails are not hers
Fake girl’s skin color is not her own- came from a can
Fake girl’s breasts are fabric and foam
And her bleached-white sneer does not fill her face with light
As I am sure she hopes
But rather implicates her false lashes.

Fake girl gazes about her warily
Drinking in the collective wet and warm
With disdain
Silently hoping her prince will come
And replace her knockoff Tiffany ring
With a real one.

Fake girl hates the way I look
A mismatched jumble of half wet clothes
Hair matted down with rain, swooshed and pushed by the wind
Smiling happily as the music swells in my ears
And that old familiar chorus fills me with joy.

Fake girl wants me to be miserable and lonely
She wants me to feel uncomfortable under her gaze
but I don’t.
I only feel sad
that fake girl probably wishes she were just like me
and I like her.

Ever Virgin.

Get in the know.

Toucan.

Flamingo.

Just so there is no confusion.

Ever Virgin.