Day 11 – Your beliefs, in great detail

I believe that if you love, then you will know comfort in this world and beyond.  If your capacity to love surpasses all other emotions, you will be successful.  I think I started believing this at a young age.  In fifth grade, or so, I realized that there was something wrong with me- I was growing less aesthetic in a time when most girls were starting to blossom.  In the rabid, dog-eat-dog world of middle school, my social and emotional stock was quickly plummeting.  This is when kids start doing weird shit like going “goth” or garnering an eating disorder.  This is when the first thoughts of suicide enter your mind.  I could have gone down those paths- but I didn’t.  Instead I chose to love.  Even as a young person, I was able to see the core of pain in the mocking of others.  I knew their hurtful words were misguided and misdirected reflections of their own insecurities.  How did I know this?  Well, partially because it was already in my spirit, but also because church, children’s books, tv and Disney movies all told us so.  So even when it hurts, and even when I feel like I just want to catch a break, I love, instead of despairing.

I believe that people do not tell one another “I love you” nearly enough.  I believe that when you say, “I love you”, it is the breath of God spreading a blessing on the person you say it to.  It’s like those three words are an incantation, a perfectly formed block of words that unlock the heavy burdens of anger.  If enough people said “I love you” enough times to the right people- this world of war would end.  I believe that all faith based societies pivot on sharing and spreading the emotion of love- and all the intolerance that is carried out in the name of religion is actually just fear of love- of sharing and expressing love.

I believe that Jesus and a whole bunch of other cool dudes like Muhammad, Buddha, Martin Luther, George Fox and Gandhi figured this out and tried, in the most vocal of ways, to unite people under a banner of love.  Even though some of the message has gotten confused, I believe that the core of any and all religious texts, is love. God is love.  People take many paths to get to the God is love realization, and I don’t think that one is any less valid.  I do think that my path works for me, I believe in it with my heart and soul- I know that I have found love, and therefore, God, and it is my duty to love and forgive and teach love and forgiveness in every way possible.  Don’t get me wrong, it IS hard, and I fail all the time.  It’s easy to hold a grudge, and it’s easy to let people’s cruel words and violent actions wreak havoc on your love mojo- I let it get the better of me a lot.  But I keep trying.  Because I know that through my awesome, glorious, powerful and all consuming love, I am helping the people I love to make their way to God.  And that’s freaking awesome.

Day 10 – A moment, in great detail

What the hell does that even mean?  A moment today?  A moment in theory?  Oh Blog Meme, sometimes you are very unclear.

This is one of my favorite moment stories.

When I was a junior in college, I lost my grandmother and was devastated.  She left us in the early part of the year.  When the fourth of July came around that year, my extended family decided to all gather at Aunt Betty’s for a large celebration.  This is not usual for the 4th because for many years we were on the Cape for the celebration so our traditions really came from there- but no doubt the CC crew knew that all the holidays were hitting my mother hard without my grandmother and they wanted to rally around her.  So this year we were at Aunt Betty’s, and thanks to our friends who own a Hallmark, we were decked out in the finest of  holiday decorations- plates, napkins, streamers, and huge bouquets of balloons.  We all gathered and feasted on a variety of sumptuous foods, and though the tone was somber, we all managed to enjoy ourselves as much as we could considering.

My Aunt Betty’s house has a fence overlooking her big back yard which is about 20 feet below.  We tied the balloons cheerfully along this fence, and I was leaning against it looking out over the back yard as Jason and Danny played a game of bocce.  My cousin Marcy came and stood beside me, and she said, “I’m missing my Dad today.” and I said I was missing my Grandma and Noni too- she said, let’s take these balloons and let one go for each of our beloved dead, the balloons will fly up to Heaven so they know we are thinking of them.  I thought that was the best idea ever, so we loosened a few balloons and held them.  I looked up at mine, and said, “I love you Grammy, I wish you were here.” and let the balloon go.  A few other family members had walked over and we all appreciated the gesture before trying to get our spirits up and headed back to the festivities.

Later on that day, I hopped in my car to head home.  For some reason I cannot remember now, I had my car and didn’t ride with anyone else in the family.  The sun was setting and was beautifully colored and I was happy to sit in Waterbury traffic to enjoy such a lovely sunset.  As I looked up into the sky, a beautiful, blue, hot air balloon floated across the skyline, one of my favorite things.  It was a perfect and beautiful moment.  I knew that Grammy got her balloon in Heaven and she was sending me one of my own so I would know she was thinking of me too.  Never in my life before or since that moment have I believed in the afterlife more.  I know that there is a place and space beyond this life on Earth, and I know that Grammy is there.

Astounding in its simplicity, that moment was information, affirmation, and celebration.

 

love you, Grammy.

God and Mother Nature

I appear to you as a radiant footpath
something cool and beautiful to tread upon
your toes in my grass
your gown in my dirt.

And you appear to me like an exotic breeze
fur and skin and feathers of endless possibility
who has taken wing in my sky
who has swam across my shores.

let us, we, the you and the me of you and me
meet together somewhere
His God and Her Mother Nature
and we can make something new.

It will know exactly where to go
because it follows your foot path
and it will be exquisite and exotic
because it will come from my eyes.

It is what is birthed of you and me.

Ever Virgin.